If my blog has a theme it is grace. So this entry might sound similar to
others…but let me tell you, in the moment…it was revolutionary, and I have faith
that God will use it in that way for someone else.
I was talking to my dear friend Olivia last night about how
this year has been hard and challenging and this summer is no exception. Essentially,
I was whining to Liv about it…justified whining, but still just complaining and
saying that I once again don’t understand God’s plan in all of this.
I told her “I’m thankful for the process…but I just don’t
understand…it has been really really hard…” I then added on “But God has taught
me so much,” because it’s true…even though at the moment I just felt sad and
lost. I looked at that little blue bubble and my eyes filled with tears as I
stared at what I wrote…”but God”.
Instantly Psalm 73:26 came to my mind “My health may fail,
and my spirit may grow weak, but God
remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.” I was amazed at the fact
that that is the point. The purpose I was begging for was right there. God
continues to break me down to remind me that I will continue to fail myself
over and over. I cannot handle life without Christ. It’s silly to think that
God will only give us what we can handle…he will give us more.
Because we are not meant to
handle it.
We are meant to give it to God and realize that he will
never leave and will always be at our side even when we do our best to act
strong without him. He will never abandon us, but he will challenge us.
We will be tired…but God.
We will cry and mourn…but God.
We will be lost…but God.
We will feel lonely…but God.
We will be insecure…but God.
We will stumble…but God.
We will fail again and again…but God.
What I used as a follow up to a text full of lamenting is
the entire point of the gospels.
I threw out the phrase “But God” without remembering the
fact that this is what gives meaning to
my whole existence…because I was lost, pointless and tortured…but God.
