Prayer to Praise

Today was a great day.

I mean the kind of great that leaves you with sore abs from laughter and a sore throat from singing and screaming at the top of your lungs. The kind of great that sometimes brings me to tears because I can’t believe God loves me enough to give me a day like this.

And then I think back to last winter. When I sat in my room in a pile on the floor sobbing at 2 am. Lost, abandoned and so confused. Happiness was never natural; each day was a decision to smile. Joy was purely by choice. I remember begging God to just explain why he was doing this. I didn’t understand how he could sit and watch my pain and let it all happen.

But as I write this I can imagine him watching me, crying with me and whispering, “Daughter, I love you. It will get better. It will be great again.” But the sounds of my fear drowned that out. Now I look back and I am overwhelmed with his grace. This morning I woke up smiling. I was in love with today before my eyes even saw it. I am filled with passion for art, service, love and justice. I feel like God is making me into a person that I am finally proud of.

I think back to me eight months ago.

And I want to hug her.

I want to remind her of Truth.

I want to tell her that this fire is making her stronger than ever.

Brave. Confident in God. Filled with real faith.

I wish that I could tell her that this suffering is temporary, but God’s love and God’s plan are eternal. That he refuses to give up or let go. That she is favored and has brighter days coming.

Not all days will be great from here on out. Some days will knock me back into that tear pile on the floor. But God is there.

Please know that the struggle is not the end…it is the beginning.

Every single moment, every single breath, ragged from running in fear or dancing with joy…is grace.